It was the second prenatal exam for my wife, which served an important purpose: fetal heartbeat. I wasn’t able to accompany my wife last time, so I must be there under any circumstances. After a long wait in an ordinary Tuesday afternoon, we finally entered the doctor’s room in the clinic.
Then he began to perform a transvaginal ultrasound test. The doctor had the probe covered in lubricating gel, and thrusted it into her vagina. The images were transmitted directly to the screen which all three of us could see. With some moving around, the doctor found the perfect spot to observe the fetus, and pointed at some vibrating dots, letting us know it means the heartbeat of our baby.
Magical moment? Powerful moment? I was quite calm and I wasn’t surprised, being a Vulcan for most of my life. I used to question myself why I am emotionally vacant person, and sought to find a solution, but after attempts were proved futile, I realized this is just who I am, and there is no right or wrong. Once I possessed a sensitive soul that brought me torments, but then I learned how to dull the edges and kept people at a safe distance, and the torments were no more.
Unexcited, I told my wife: let’s see if our baby can make it through the first three months. She accepts my queer personality, and I love her for that.
Just for the record, I went to rock climbing with friends yesterday, and attended a sharing session hosted by Mr. Wu, a respected expert on historical trails of Taiwan.